Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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