Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
