i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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