Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
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I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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