just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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