hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
