I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Randomize
