Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize