were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
