She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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