I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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