Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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