and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
