There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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