Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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