she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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