I feel like I'm in dance class right now
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
