im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
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Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
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Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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