Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
