Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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