11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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