First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
