we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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