Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think people are normalizing furries
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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