It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
