Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
