I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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