I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
