there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
