I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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