i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
