when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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