Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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