i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
