Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
