"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
