thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
