Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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