even my farts smell like vagina
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
