I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
