guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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