Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
