I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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