it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
bring money and cleavage
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
