His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
