did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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