I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
