did you get engaged???
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
