mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I love having hate sex.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
