At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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