Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
