Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
