you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
