I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
