I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
