You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
