she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
