I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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