my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
