I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
