I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
