you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
