you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
even my farts smell like vagina
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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