swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
