1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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