Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
