I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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